from what I remember

I remember thinking I was going to love you. I knew it as soon as the spark hit.
“I’m going to love this kid.”
I remember hoping and praying, literally praying that you would love me back. Even if it wasn’t at that moment in time. I knew in my heart that we should have loved each other. I knew it. I keep trying to tell myself that I made that up, that I actually had no idea what I was talking about back then because of how it is now. But I don’t care. I knew it.
I remember knowing you loved me, and I remember thinking you were so embarrassed to. Like loving me was something you didn’t want to do, or planned to do or wanted anyone to know. I tried to tell myself that you needed time to get used to the idea, because you were going to know one day that we should love each other, non-stop. That’s the love I had for you… non-stop. It’s like I couldn’t stop. Even when I wanted to. I prayed that it would stop. Every night. I prayed and cried that I could stop. But I never did. You always told me you couldn’t stop loving me either. And I would think to myself, “See. I knew we should love each other. I knew it.”
I remember thinking we were going to see the World, and once we saw it, we could change it. In so many ways. I thought that’s what God was really telling me. You said you felt that, too. I remember thinking I could be with you anywhere, ANYWHERE as long as we were changing the World. I never had that before. I never had someone make me think that I had a partner in crime to really get to the heart of people and change it. I remember when we used to talk about the Bible and what we thought God was going to do in our lives. I just had to be a part of whatever it was God wanted you to do, because I knew it would be big. I wanted to be right there, thick as thieves. I remember feeling like we were really best friends, and that at one point in time, it wouldn’t matter if we weren’t going to end up together, because the love we had as friends was so much stronger. You were my best friend, which is probably why trying not to love you was so damn near impossible.
I am trying to remember more, but every time I try to, I start to cry, and it becomes too hard to stop. I always wipe my tears and think to myself,
“How could I have been so wrong?”